I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
my liver is dry heaving
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
