You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize