Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
