you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
