I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
