He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
