I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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