don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
