what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
