We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
