We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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