he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
God I need to hump something, right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
