does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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