so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
