He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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