Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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