Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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