It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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