Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
