i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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