so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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