i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
