SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
