jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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