Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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