it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
