I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
do nipples grow back?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
