so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
