My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
