Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
