You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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