we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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