mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
