we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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