Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
