Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Michael Bay diarrhea
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
