i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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