I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
