Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
