party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
