just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
