he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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