Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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