were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
