A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it glows. i had to have it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
