fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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