So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
