i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
