I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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