Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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