sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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