ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
