even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
