I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
