When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
