Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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