I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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