You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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