I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nutella sex= disaster
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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