I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
