Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
