You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
