Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
