We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
