we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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