i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
