i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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